you are selfish sometimes
you chase a love that is not pure
you wish your cum tasted sweeter
than how you imagine hers
because you’re sick and greedy
and insecure and incomplete
a desire waning on performance
until there is nothing to separate
you from the endless imperfection
of anyone else’s flesh
douse the expectations in solvent
cloven insincerity perforating
through the threads pulling you
back together from disassociation
before strangling you
in its intoxicating possession
you linger in it long enough
until nothing else feels as normal
and you know better, but you don’t
a knot of hair caught in your throat
you no longer hurt yourself
but you do, don’t you?
you’re still a fawn
because you never were
anything else but afraid
you want to fuck it all away
your own symptoms of escape
everything learned against your will
hiding the heat behind your face
you can’t always stay this way
/// 