lxxv

the problem with safety
is that your body
finds time to learn
what it is to mourn
everything that has been
and will always be
without distraction
without alleviation
you are forced to listen
to every word built up
either spoken or missed
all of their truth and anger
each and every psalm
from a mouth that only knows
the violence of remaining
in patterns you try
desperately to unlearn
hereditary or blindly embraced
between delusions of immortality
or intrusions of suicidality
and you want to listen
as much as you want to bite back
against teeth stronger than yours
tearing at the sides
of your prefrontal cortex
until the light grows numb
against your burning pupils
and you retreat once again
into the comfort of disorder
if it means you’ll sleep again