always a stone’s throw away
from the bottom of a river
they present to you
a dumb corpse in pixelated text
and they ask of you
to find aspiration in that
misgendered brick
sinking deeper into earth
do you trust in their desire
to see you as more
psychologists and police
at your doorway
addressing a deadname
asking why
you cut your thighs open
a decade ago
yet you have explained
before and again
and will continue to
explain until you can
no longer see
your own face
speaking numbly back
your own words
your humanity
is a self-castration
and yet
they will not allow it
on your terms
calling forth
public humiliation
rituals unsubsidised
so you try to stay
kind hoping they won’t
hurt you
like they continue to
hurt anyone unlike them
because they promised
they would stop
eventually
/// 