it is a comfort to slow
my mind in you
to know “I’m sorry”
is unnecessary as punctuation

the relief is release
stillness exchanged
as quiet bodies
practiced by symposium

a newfound trust
in letting teeth separate
from a learned strain
upon unbalanced expectation

what a privilege to hold
such attentive silence
simplicity beheld
by the sound of your breath

it is so tiring to be
constantly a performance
how i love that i can be
so tired with you

lines of linen threaded through
what is bruised and what is yet to bruise
kept out the cold months, covered up
eyes shut to smother back the light

you’re tired in the same way as i am
it gives me a reason to be softer
lips left open to let the air sweeten
over a tongue used to bitterness

you desire like i desire
waiting on something that isn’t hurting
idle hands without ideation
meeting silence from where it grows

heal that which cannot be spoken
i felt it lessen through your spine
every shivering thought cascading
laughter through the pale

you allow me my own stupidity
aimless, unafraid and stumbling
we are more used to punishment
you help me see i don’t always need to flinch reflexively

stigmata would be no less preferable
when they drive a stake into your cunt
will you thank them for upholding purity?
the sanctity of you in memoriam
god plucking his chosen from the witch-hunt
if it was for your protection
they would have taken their own lives
before they decided to steal yours

swallow shit enough, it will become an acquired taste
suffer to prove that you still deserve less
self-imposing industrialisation
sold into your own enslavement
do you want to belong so badly?
a uterus carved out as a fleshlight?
your value as hunted ivory
paraded until you are stripped of use

the rest of us never had the chance
written clumsily out of existence
or hanged from the nearest bridge
draped in frayed pastel flags
whatever remains will join the rest of the cattle
exported from one cage to another
lost on a list of numbers
until not even the numbers mean a thing

you would see us as spectacle
rape victim target practice
all four limbs shattered
discarded down the ravine

your friends laugh as we drown
your parents laugh as we drown
your siblings laugh as we drown
your children laugh as we drown

and you’re just like them
a cannibal waiting on a dog whistle
all meat to a caucus of carnivores
liberalist unification; four billion dead women

did you always dream of subservience?
a mindless tool gripped by fascist hands
how fucking pathetic it must be
to exist only in obedience to hatred

i’ve learned to pray again
that every trans person gets to heaven
and for every bigot hell awaits
die sad and alone, scum

keep the lighter fluid out of reach
evaporating through the roof of your mouth
a century of alcohol dependency
bite down out of boredom upon empty glass
everyone is supposed to be different
but i know you’re all the fucking same
trust breaking mantra swallowing
autofellatio, expecting aftercare
i’m only as kind as the extent of my patience
i’m only as patient as you allow me to be

if i dream of you hurting her
it feels just like reality to me
how bad can it get outside imagination?
you can only hold power long enough
with hands succumbing to autoimmune inefficiencies
you have a hospital bed reserved
the nurses are all laughing at you
and you cannot comprehend why
did you piss yourself again, angel?
better crawl up into it for warmth

deluded into you, electrical patterns
the sweat that pools in your scars
constant entanglement; varicose
the salt scent intoxication
pluck out what rots in your throat
to bury where it can always be found
you know better than i dare to
a car accident is always waiting to happen

i want to cheat death with you
fingerfucked and bloodied knives
i want to believe you’re more
than a suicide letter teasing hope
you have experienced far too much
to let it all be taken away
you push away because you need to
push back when they all start to hate you

you’ve held the sick back for twenty years
an oesophagus of burned-down churches
strip back what remains in violence
and you’ll be left bare, alone, alive
a nightmare repeating into the third degree
it’s nothing not endured before
it’s nothing that won’t stop happening
and still it doesn’t mean anything

pour out from its glass, the wine
i would drink whatever flows
from your mouth, in its place
unmoving, a pebble in your throat
rush over me so blindingly
nothing much could matter anymore
elsewhere, whatever resides inside
in you is my only concern

in a fist, clench fabric unfurling
to form space for whatever can hide
everything else that is missing
from time borrowing abandoned bodies
better to remain buried, in vanity
i cannot help but repeat to you
the shapes of stolen tongues
twitching at the edge of your canines

could we unmake one another?
i wander beneath your bones
tracing out the rings of memory
suffocating from the release
for i do not wish to be free
there is a need embedded now
sweat stranding like resin
pulling me back, it’s sickening

god will ask of you always
an endless pledge of mourning
dream only of veiled bodies
not much left to separate oneself

you’re alone when they need you
not that you would be enough to save
all your frail comforts bleed
from the throats of sacrificial lambs

remove all flesh that thirsts for sun
bent limbs will acclimate themselves
to the slow twisting of steel
predetermined in captivity

i no longer free myself willingly
i am owed to those possessive enough
therein lies the absence of healing
only the artifice of its intent

if we were given the means to rest
would we even know how anymore?
we are worth more in sickness
sublimated and begging for an end

i’m not meant for this
but that doesn’t mean it will stop
tense my arms until my hands lose grip

they rest my body among stray dogs
we know how to love and starve
but not much else

we’re still settling water
apologising before we’ve committed our wrongs
unable to discern strangers and surfaces

all i want is to keep you safe
so why do you throw me into walls?
keep my heart still until your footsteps subside

it’s easier to keep it under breath
maybe we’re not meant for more
just waiting on shadows without you

dredge up the bile
coagulated stomach depths
blight rumination
spilling down the steps
of your apartment building
your neighbours sharpen their knives
come dinner time
the halls fester with intention
funerary suicide processions
countless dead children
blood swept out to the gutter
a trough for roaches
crawl back from their graves
post-nuclear winter
gluttonous but starving forever
terra nullius injustice
in repetition, it’s never enough
hospitals built for target practice
they don’t even know what they want
they just want, obsessively
hoarders of cruelty, rotting bodies
piling faster than the feast
they simply live to die
yet everyone else pays the price